Infancy refers to the first three years of a child’s life. During this period 1 million neural connections are developing per second. They are rapidly absorbing information pertaining to their environment and the love (or absence of) from caregivers. Each connection formed is strengthened through repetitive experiences. This is why consistency is so essential to their development and well-being. These neuron connections set the stage for babies to learn how to operate and excel in their families, communities, and cultures. This period lays the foundation of a person’s adult life. These first three years are referred to as “sensitive” periods when a child is susceptible to specific interactions. Their sensory pathways (hearing, cognitive function, and language) all peak by the age of three. Their nervous system’s ability to regulate, feel safe, and appropriately move onward in life with the confidence and ability to be dependent on their emotions and self. Autonomy, resilience, and emotional stability all rely on their infancy needs to be met. How their needs are met, the space made for them to express themselves, and the environment they are placed in builds the groundwork that will unfold for them throughout their lives. Note: There are many healing modalities to be utilized to support an adult or child out of this age range if these needs are not met. 
Children express their needs from the survival circuits in their brains. They do not ask for things they do not require. We are the sole source of comfort and safety for our children and they rely on us to regulate and lead them. Their requests for closeness, connection, and soothing stem from the survival instincts in their brains. They physically require our presence to meet these needs. Conditioning them to rely on themselves does NOT meet these needs, nor are they physically or psychologically capable of meeting them on their own. It only signals to them that when they need safety and connection it will not come. This has massive effects on their nervous systems and regulation abilities throughout their lives. 
It is unlikely to remember specific events from infancy, however, our subconscious stores all memories and experiences and it shapes our nervous system and responses for the rest of our lives. We have implicit memories of our caregiver’s tone, demeanor, and the bodily sensations we felt as an infant. When babies’ needs are met and they are responded to promptly and thoroughly this fosters and cultivates freedom and confidence to move in life from a secure and grounded place. On the other hand when needs are not met or babies/toddlers are forced to “toughen up” or “self-soothe” they are far less likely to take risks in life, trust themselves, trust others, and operate from a sense of security. Again we carry the patterns taught and felt in infancy for the rest of our lives, and unless specifically and through rewired these dictate our tendencies and instinctive nature in every area of life. 

Staples for the first 3 years

• Physical touch— Holding them, breastfeeding, feeding them in your arms, co-regulation, play, hugs, safety.
• Cultivate awareness of their emotions & validate them— Show them that you see/hear them. Approach their emotions from a grounded place allowing space for them to be and feel exactly as they do. Be mindful to not force them through it or out of it. Avoid encouraging them to suppress, ignore, or abruptly “move” through them. Emotions are normal, healthy parts of life; there is a process the body goes through to allow them to unfold and release, this process can play out if we are taught how to feel instead of resist.
• The easiest way for children to learn regulation is by allowing them adequate space to experience their emotions in safety and with comfort.
• Lead by example: Rather than only verbalize healthy responses show them how you move through emotional obstacles. When they are overwhelmed make it a point to take big deep breaths (don’t tell them to in the heat of the moment just show them). Bring it up later when they are centered and explain that when we feel overwhelmed big breaths help us feel calm and safe. Over time they will correlate deep breaths with emotions and begin to implement them. 
• When you are feeling upset/frustrated/sad verbalize what you are doing/feeling. “Mama feels sad right now. It’s okay to feel sad. I am going to take big deep breaths to help calm down".” When they see and watch you execute healthy coping mechanisms it encourages and enables them to do the same. 
• Offer support: Offer to hug them, or rub their back, if they do not want you to respect that and reassure them that you are there if they need you. 
• To successfully regulate an unregulated child you need to be calm and stable. If you find yourself feeling irrationally angry and upset beyond your ability to regulate then verbalize it “I am feeling angry right now. I need some time to calm down.” Or “I need to go into the other room right now so I can calm down” or any other variation. “Hey, I’m not doing good. I need some space, Im going to take it.” There is no one answer, mold it to what aligns with you. The key element is communicating with them, and not taking it out on them.
• Recover & Repair— We are all human. We are going to have moments where we surpass our limit and erupt. That is a part of life, but what we can do is acknowledge it. Conversations about outburst, and then apologizing for hurtful behavior is hugely beneficial for children as well as the relationship between adult and child. They deserve to be respected and honored. Accountability is a key principle for them to observe as well as for us to apply. 

Some things to ponder: It is common to talk about children in their presence without considering the impact our words have on them. They are always listening. How you view and discuss them imprints into their mind and hearts and begins to form their inner voice/critic. You have a massive opportunity to lift them up, but you can also bring them down. Be aware of the tone and words you use to talk about them. In the same way you would feel if a loved one was discussing you in that manner extend that respect and consciousness to your child. Avoid labeling them. It can be hard to break the habit of labels, but it is a small change with a big impact. When we remove our analysis of children and just let them be who they are they get to navigate childhood with confidence and belief in themselves. It allows for significantly less self-consciousness. Creating a safe and loving home environment cultivates safety which primes them to meet the uncertainty of the world from a grounded place. We can prime our children to have unshakable peace and respect for who they are and the gifts/characteristics they possess. The constant need to adapt to their peers, change themselves to fit in, and feel lost can be tremendously avoided/limited when we set the foundations.